A Chronology of Coilers Catastrophes

Sorry for the dry spell! ive been crazy busy this past week and have barely had any time to endulge in my flames fix!

anyway, i've been thinking a lot about the COILERS lately, and how lucky i am to cheer for a team with good management and good coaching that plays out of a world-class city. the COILERS lack any of these qualities, and therefore its no surprise that their flukey Cup run in '06 was just that: a FLUKE.

Let's take a walk down memory lane and give a chronology of boneheaded moves, screw-ups, and utter disastors that hit the deadmonton coilers in the past 18 months. I put a lot of work into this so i hope it becomes something of a bible of coilers fuckups. LOL

1. Fresh out of an admittably remarkable Cup run, the Coilers begin to lose key backbone members: Mike Peca, Jaroslav Spacek, Sammy Samsonov, Radek Dvorak, Rem Murray and Todd Harvey. It is no surprise that so many world-class players wanted to escape the hell-hole that is Edmonton--a dirty, stab-mad city.
   
2. in what is perhaps the biggest fuck up of all time, COILERS GM Kevin Blowe trades Chris Pronger to a conference rival, no less, for a crap player (Joff Lupul) who just happened to be the grandson of an EIG investor, a raw rookie who's career potential is a second-string pairing at best (Smid), and a couple of draft picks. Lowe was so desperate to make a move that he drove this "hard bargain" with Anaheim GM brian burke without even getting any NHL-calibre players in return (hello? francois beauchimon? ryan getzlaf??)
3. K-Blowe resigns middling players like Fernando Pisani, Dwayne Rolosn and Steve Staois at ridiculously inflated prices
4. COilers resign Marty Reasoner, who stunk up rexall place badly in '06-'07.
5. Coilers sign FA PETR NEDVED!!! LOL
6. Coilers trade offensive defensive powerhouse Marc-Andre Bergeron AND a 3rd rnd pick to the Islanders for a questionable prospect, Dennis Grebeshkov. Reports say that Grebeshkov's upside is that he may turn out to be another Bergeron. LOL. so let's get this straight: the COILERS traded their leading D scorer AND a draft pick to get some flakey Russian prospect that the Islanders hated who may, AT BEST, turn into another Bergeron in 5 years. LOL. that's like paying someone to pick your pocket on the train!!
7. Coilers fail to resign superstar Ryan Smyth at a reduced rate and trade him to the Islanders for a few suspect picks: Rob Nilsson (more nepotism), Ryan Omarra, and a 1st rnder. Omarra is lacklustre, and Nilsson is a 3rd liner AT BEST, in two years.
8. COILERS lose the last 18 of 20 games because their heart and soul (r. smyth) went off the roster. if there was any doubt that smyth carried this team, that stat alone erases it.
9. Coilers trade star D and captain Jason Smith and prospect Joffrey Lupul to Philly for Jono Pitkanen and Petr Nedved's doppelganger, Geoff Sanderson! LOL. so the oilers, lacking in leadership already, fire their captain off to Philly! AND, they lose their sole legit defender and pick up another guy who cant protect his own end, and an aging buzzard who'll be lucky to play 50 games and get 15 points this year.
10. Coilers lose their other legit D, Jan Hejda, to free agency. more devastating than most realize.
11. Coilers lose leading scorer Peter Sykora to the Penguins, where he will pop 35-45 goals as Crosby's winger.
    
12. Coilers embarass themselves by throwing a temper tantrum when Michael Nylander demurs from signing a contract with the Oilers. i guess his wife had no desire to be stabbed on a dirty bus in edmonton. to make matters worse, Coilers claim that Nylander's indecisiveness lost many potential FAs for the Coil. Yeah, right. Like any of them would sign on with a sinking team.
13. Coilers embarrass themselves and the league once again by offering $50 mil/7 yrs to RFA Tommy Vanek of the Sabres. sheer desperation at this point, folks. The sabres, with much to lose after losing Briere, sign him, but vow revenge in the next offseason.
14. Coilers BLOW $27m/5 yrs on Montreal Dman Sheldon Souray. Souray, an NHL vet of about 15 years, has only had ONE good season offensively, and now the Coil want him to pot 25 goals for them? LOL. to make matters worse, Souray is one of the worst defensive Ds in the league, and has very little skills in his own end. a grossly inflated contract.
15. Coilers only sign Pitkanen for ONE YEAR. LOL. He'll be up and off to the east coast within 5 minutes of Canada Day.
16. Coilers lose 3 draft picks in the next draft, which will be one of the deepest drafts in NHL history, to sign RFA dustin penner of anaheim. They sign him at disgustingly inflated sum of $21.25m/5 yrs. And the guy has only had one decent season as a rookie with HIGHLY SKILLED LINEMATS.
17. Coilers sign good ol' boy Rob Daum as assistant coach after Craig Simpson decides its time to abandon the sinking ship
18. Draft day, and the COIL get one legit pick (Sam Gagner), and waste their next two on Dman Alex Plante and mediocre giraffe-like forward Riley Nash. for anyone keeping track, that means they passed on Esposito AND Cherapanov, future superstars, in order to "draft for need". Oh, and it gets better: the Coilers traded two draft picks to get Nash! WTF was Lowe thinking here?
19. Coilers, in a move of utter desperation, invite Anson Carter to the training camp! its just surreal here folks
20. Coilers realize they have signed too many AHL depth players in the offseason and cant sign anymore players. ooops. sorry sam gagner and vitaly karushnakov.
21. Coilers training camp comes up to be a total bust for highly-touted prospects Cogliano, Truckno, Shremp, JF Jaques and Mark Pouliot. None are expected to make the big club

There. I think thats it! of course, this list will double in 6 months time.

GO FLAMES!!